how much some "rule enforcers" suck!? No? Well, maybe not all humans are shitheads, but sometimes you have to wonder, right? :-)
We have a couple of updates. In general they're good, one biggie..... not so much, but what else is new? Let me start with telling you that life as a whole is trotting along, it's just those darned details that'll get ya!
Since my last post, I have lost 2 aunts, got told to take a hike by 3 people (oddly enough all family.... hmmm) We lost a dear friend, followed by 2 neighbors, and moved our household...... So needless to say I have had my fill of funerals for a while, am thoroughly done with packing/unpacking, and I'm ready to go take it easy and get a job! LOL. However, that last thought isn't progressing the way I would have liked, but I've made it this far and there's just does not seem a whole lot of sense in giving up now....
The one thing I keep forgetting is how people are. Movingcompany ripped us a new one on the bill, and refused to pay for damage done by their personnel, handyman ripped us off, by charging for 2 people doing the work, while one was a highschool kid, trying to decide if he wanted to do this job or another for the rest of his life, plus they charged me for the time they spend in the truck having their lunch. When I questioned time/charges vs what we got out of it, he said, "Well, after I send out the bills, the paperwork gets discarded, so I have no way of knowing......" Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but as a business man, isn't it a) stupid b)backwards and c)illegal, to throw away who worked what job, how long and where? (Especially since the taxman can question your paperwork for 10 years after filing?) the kicker came when he suggested, that "If I would mention this issue, the next time I enlisted his services, he would make me a deal, but bills that were sent out, needed to get paid in full" AS IF!! What turnip truck does he think I fell off of?! The old landlord discovered asbestos under our laminate, so we couldn't take it with us, and we couldn't let the new renters buy it from us, however, we had to leave it, and the new renters could keep it.... THAT was one cost we hadn't figured on, because our new livingroom is a little shorter and than the old one, we figured we would just swap it over, and use the leftover flooring in the upstairs boxroom and hallway, and now we had to get all new stuff. The new renters seemed nice, and told me right up front that they would pay for the flooring because it saved them money not to have to buy new. Stupid me, I believed them! And I'm still waiting on the payment. Right after all this I discovered that one municipality is definitly NOT the same as another! We had things figured with our old city to where we would have the same income every month, I would get less when Mike had more hours, and more when he had less, but "total" would be a little below minimum wage for a 2 person household. There was no problem with me depositing money in my account to pay the bills, because they knew Mike gets paid in Dollars, we would take out Euro's and deposit them to cover the bills... Same with doctor bills, we would pay (when we could), send in the bills to his insurance and either get reimbursed, or not, and depending on whether my account was low, deposit, or leave it in his account or pay the bill and make up the difference (and there always is a difference!) well, this new place not so much.
I felt like I needed a lawyer, just to get thru the "interview"! The "dickhead-in-charge" kept telling me... "I bet you didn't have to prove ALL your income at the other town, did ya!?" as if I was making things up as I went along..... I couldn't get thru to him, that my deposits were not "income" because it came from Mike's paycheck, OR that the deposits from the insurance company, we'd already paid, and were NOT income but reimbursement, or, the fact that I don't have an enddate to my Web Designer title, doesn't mean I'm actually making money at it (or that I wouldn't tell them if I did, which was very overtly implied), and neither does the fact that I spend a couple of hours every day looking at designs, practice codes, keep up with trends and learn new things, mean that it brings in any money, or that the potential is there to make 300 to 2000€ with a website, but that I haven't had any takers, or that I have my website online, because I paid for the hosting, but I'm not getting any traffic, because I'm not allowed to advertise...... I couldn't get thru that if I don't do anything for a couple of weeks (let alone months) I might as well forget about ever working at it, because I'll be sofar behind in tech and knowledge, that I won't be able to catch up, and besides, what else can I do all day? It's not like we have money to go do things away from home..... He looked at it as "income potential" and thus, deductable from possible financial help... and he had the guts to tell me that "if the glass house I had placed myself
in by applying for financial help, was too much, maybe I should
consider withdrawing the application" Mind you, these are the people that are supposed to help.... I would hate to see the ones that aren't.
All I have been able to think the last couple of months is: WTF!? This whole process is wrong on so many levels, that I can't even get my head around it anymore.... Obviously, they rather pay for me to sit on my butt all day than that I improve my skills? When I refused to give anymore information (as in Mikes medical information as a back up for the insurance reimbursements) they denied the claim, so I have no idea where next months bills are going to have to get paid from.... I have been physically ill since this happened and mentally I'm in such a
dark hole, it's not even funny, and there's nothing I can do to fix things. Things that would take my mind for a mini-vacation, now just are impositions and in contest with worrying.. I'm dreading "having" to go to the castle, starting next month, haven't thought about scrapbooking nor did I want to, can't keep my mind together long enough to learn what I need to learn, I guess, on the upside..... I will be able to honestly tell them that I don't do shit all day, when they ask again!
I reapplied, more than a month ago, and they want the same information,
but now, instead of going back the mandatory 3 months with information gathering, they want it 6
months... I think I need to change my name and get a tan, maybe claim
somekind of status other than "Dutch, over 50 and screwed"...... I'm walking around in a daze, worrying where my next meal is coming
from, wondering how long we'll be able to stay here, if we can't pay the
rent (and would we want to) but where would be go? I can't go with Mike if he goes home, he is very close to the point of not wanting to stay here... we have nothing there, and everything we've been trying to build up here gets taken away....
So, in short, this has been the reason I haven't been around, and the
fact that my FB, my blog AND my LinkedIn account are being watched for
possible indications of me making money..... So glad I'm "home"....
we've been in this boat for going on 8 years and I'm getting to the
point that I'm done..... Done being nice, done trying not to be "mad all the time" as I was told that
that was really a downer for the people around me, done putting up a brave face so I don't upset anybody, done trying to do the right thing, done trying to do better
....... just.... DONE! I'm not good company right now, haven't been for a while, so I'll be taking my leave..... IF or when I do better, I'll be back. (Maybe sooner, if I need to "talk", but I'll try not to bust your chops with my "drama" as it was put to me)
Don't forget to hug those loved ones? Those that are quietly there for you when you don't realize you need them, and "in your face" there when you do :-)
Love and hugs and hopefully "talk soon"
Pauli
