Not checked email,

messages or much of whatsap, and I just found it. Sent 2 days ago, and since I've not been in a "peopling" mode, I figured I give all the general bullshitt a miss.... Bad part is, I was expecting new information for my Stories behind the Stars research, so I figured, since today I was going to do a bit more research, I better check email...... 

 It was from my sister-in-law, and I will post both her mail and my answer, fully aware that it will make me come off a first class btch,  but I'm done catering to people who give me more grief than happy.... Life's too short! Think about how many people are in your life that zap your energy, leaving too little time and energy for the people who make you happy..... Don't take for granted who you have in your corner that give you the freedom to be yourself, and are your rock when you need them to be. No score being kept, just mutual taking care of eachother,. Mentally and physically making sure the other is as good as they can be... Treasure them, and lose the people that steal your energy and joy.....  Not saying this is the right way to do it, but maybe, if I had made my point before this, it would have been a little more tactful..... maybe not, but do yourself a favor, assess the people that take away your happy make you walk on eggshells to keep the peace and put you on edge, and consider limiting your time with them...... Even if it IS family. 

Take stock of whether they give you as much or more "happy" feels than trepadation, and weigh the benefits of how much time you spend with them. Babysteps for sure, because it's an uncomfortable process, but do take them, before you realise you spend more time with people taking space in your head, than with the person(s) that has your heart.

So, the last of the family "drama" before starting that new chapter on this trip I didn't sign up for. 

Hey Pauli, 

 Well, I am asking again for any info you can give me about Mike. I would like to know what he passed from and where he is buried, Town and Cemetery. 

It will only take five minutes to tell me. If this was reversed, I am sure you would expect the same thing.

Thanks.

Jan  

My answer was neither short, nor as sweet, as it probably should have been, but it IS the way I feel.....

To Jan

no, actually Jan, I wouldn't expect  ANYTHING, and I wouldn't have even asked.  

His "family" wrote him off, told him he was dead to them, not thought of, not spoken of, not cared about..... So here is my answer to the family who disowned him.  

Nowhere in the "request" do I hear care, just a demand for information.  The requested information ticks off boxes in a questionaire to add to the family tree. 

We tried to keep Kim updated and were told that everybody had their own life and nobody wanted to hear complaints about our shit. 

Instead of understanding his motivation, it was held against him as if it was a personal slight when he missed his moms funeral because he chose to be with me, in the emergency room with a bloodclot half an inch away from my heart, instead of  2 hours away.

I have been trying to feel different, but honestly, losing Mike made me realise that life is too short to try and "play nice" with people who couldn't give less of a shit about the man who is my soulmate, my everything, when he was alive. If that is not the way everybody felt, you should have contacted us sooner. Kim had our address, you read my blog and knew to contact me when it suited you.....

 So here is me, keeping our shit away from people who don't want to hear about it, were not interested, until the information "requested" is useful to them. I AM DONE. Leave me alone, like you left your brother alone. Don't bother contacting me, about anything. The reason I sent Kim the information, was because I did the descent thing in letting the family know of his passing, now please kindly return the favor and leave me to mourn my husband in peace

 

Pauli .  

Don't forget to hug that loved one, severely!! 

Love and hugs,

Pauli