Both our first birthdays after Mike passed away are "in the bag" Can't say how I feel about them. In a way, it was "samo samo" because we only celebrated between the two of us. I would bake his birthday cake, (Always DARK dark chocolate cake, with dark chocolate frosting), and he would bake mine (The Hawaiian Wedding Cake from Betty Crockers family cookbook) If possible, we would exchange gifts, if not, we would either go to work as usual, or spend the day doing something the birthdaykid wanted to do, or if able, we'd surprise the other with something they would never think of to ask for. Like the time I told Mike we were going on a trip, and yanked him out of the house at 4.30 in the morning. I had made travel cups with coffee, added a thermos, and chocholate brownies and I drove him from Des Moines to The Air Field in Omaha Nebraska so he could take part of a flight on a B-17 and spend the day. Or the time he picked me up from work, and told me he was taking me to dinner. We drove from Sparks thru Carson Valley and I kept asking where we were going and he just grinned that mischievous grin, that made his eyes sparkle and popped that damn dimple that got me every time. When we dropped down on the other side of the mountain towards Lake Tahoe, he told me to keep my eyes shut until he told me otherwise. When he told me to open them up, we were in a parking garage, so I still had no clue but he was so happy about the surprise he was about the spring on me, I didn't even mind. Turned out he had made several trips to Tahoe that day to organize my surprise. We had dinner at Hard Rock Café at Harvey's Casino, and it was great, and all I needed for my birthday, but before we got to desert, he slides an envelope across the table, and when I opened it, there were 2 tickets to Tanya Tucker in concert in it. Mind you, this man is not one to enjoy crowds, or (indoor) concerts, but he knew I would enjoy the hell out of it and he did it anyway. You could have knocked me over with a feather at that point. We had a great night. Don't remember much of the concert, other than the energy and the feeling of love towards and from the man I was spending my life with. What I DO remember is the travelcups with Coffee we got at the 7-11 before leaving Stateline, and the trip to one of the beaches on the lake and sitting on the rocks with his arms around me, looking over the water and into the night sky. We hit the house around 3.30 in the morning, and were back at work by 7.30. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!
So, yeah..... it was weird not having him here, not getting that morning hug. A daily thing for the 40 years we were together, but somehow, on my birthday, they were always extra special end extra gentle.
The girls checked in several time during the day, which was really sweet and special, and SO appreciated, my brother and his girl checked in, my nephew and my sister did as well.... and than, this weird thing happened..... people that up to this year, never even congratulated me, showed up. It was nice, not to be alone, but at the same time, it was awkward. Lately, I can't figure out if people are coming by because they want to, because they are concerned, want to "help" somehow, or out of pity, so to have people show up for coffee that never did before feels odd. I told myself to take it as a sign that they wanted to be there with me, and enjoy, and, like the selfish ass I was told I am, I did, but after everybody has come and gone, and the house is empty again, I still miss my time with Mike, after company, doing the dishes, picking up the house before settling in together, and quietly going over the days events.......All in all, it wasn't a bad day, but it was a bad day..... Ended up not sleeping again, but maybe, because of that, I will sleep a little tonight.
Don't forget to hug that loved one, and let hem know how you feel!!
Love and hugs
